A CEO of a software company reached out to me once and asked me to take a 20-minute meeting to review his strategy/execution software. Sounds low-key, right? I put forth a requirement to do the meeting. I also implied he could show me how his software fit into a model. But he said “No, thanks”. And disappeared. I find this behaviour odd, don’t you? But at one level, I don’t find it odd at all.
He was unwilling to do the homework to do a successful meeting. He had no idea what he wanted. He asked for an unrealistic time frame to create any real value. He was simply trolling for meetings, which maybe gave him the illusion of progress, but I was sure he was not making actual progress.
Likewise, if you want a mentor or an advisor, here’s some simple ways to get one and to have it work for you:
- Know what you want. Your own discernment starts the learning process so you are only helping yourself. The more specific you are, the better. This will help you get a good match.
- Before asking, do your homework. You’ve heard me say this before it is so easy to find out about people. Slideshare, LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, blogging. Seriously, it takes just a little bit to find out about people. Know what the person cares about. Dig beyond page 2 of the Google search. Find out why they would want to help someone else. Ideally, you can find a connection so that you can be introduced, which will increase your odds of getting a “yes”.
- It’s their terms. If they hike, offer to go on a hike with them. Even if they live another 100 miles away, plan on going to them. Make it easy for them to say yes by doing all the heavy lifting. Write the blurb draft, do whatever to make it easy for them to help you.
- Charm. Use it. Don’t have it? Learn it. Charm never hurts. Remember that you’re doing an ask so give them room to say no. That way, you can come back to them later without losing that opportunity.
- Do your part. When I help people, I’m putting in my X number years of experience into condensed simple-sounding lessons. My mentee’s job is to apply those lessons and get going. Well to be honest, you have 3 choices to: ask a clarifying question, explain why you won’t do it, or do it. But those are your only 3 options. Don’t ignore the advice of your mentor and then expect that relationship to continue. That’s your part of the bargain. Make things happen by using the lessons you learn,then circle back and tell them what you did because it reflects on them too.
Mentors and advisors have made the world of difference to me in my career and in my life. The best are the ones I meet for wine and we can have fun and learn with each other.
I’m grateful and amazed. It’s one reason why I love helping other people. The fact that I put a hurdle in the way? Well, that’s just a way of making sure the person is ready, we’re aligned, and something good can come from the time together.
Written by Nilofer Merchant
Adapted from Want A Mentor? Do Your Homework First, published in Women 2.0